Archive for the 'Valve' Category


Science! Guns and games!

Okay, if you don’t want to sit through the whole explanation (which we recommend because it’s actually pretty damn cool) the actual gameplay starts at 1:55 in. And if you skipped the whole thing… then you’re a jerk. What? The videos we find aren’t good enough for you? Fine, that’s fine, we’ll explain it. Waterloo labs shows us all how to play Half-Life (well, a flash version of it) using some Accelerometers, a big ol’ board, a bit of programming skill and some guns. Alright, despite being completely pointless because you could just as easily use a light gun for this sort of thing, it’s completely fucking awesome. Thinking about it though, imagine the possibilities of this! We could use this as training device for the military! Or even just put it in arcades! Who said that playing video games are just murder training simulators?!

Oh… wait…

Our bad!

Our bad!


john freeman saver of humens

yes this is teh story off john freeman who savved teh humens because combines (who come frome science and outer space) make them sad and angry with growls.

Alright, we can’t keep that up for long, it hurts us too much. Utilizing the tools of Garry’s Mod these guys animated around this story by fan-fiction writer SquirrelKing. We have a question though. Is the guy who wrote these serious? We did our research and read all of his other works, which are very similar and we just can’t decide if this guy is a comical genius or actually some one with the english skills of a monkey with Downs Syndrome.

This is actually the first picture that showed up in Google Image for "Monkey with Down's Syndrome" make of that what you will.

This is actually the first picture that showed up in Google Image for "Monkey with Down's Syndrome" make of that what you will.

And all attempts to get a hold of SquirrelKing have come up short. Apparently an email full of swears and dirty drawings isn’t something people enjoy responding to (and that’s all we’re good at.) So read his work, have a laugh that turns into bitter weeping and then hang yourself to make the pain inside go away.

Thanks to Tyler for the tip.


Chris Redfield had the Same Problems.

Many of us gamers remember the scandal that backed the release of Resident Evil 5, with journalists and political individuals stating that the game was racist due to the fact that many of the zombies in the game were black. In Africa? No! Well alright, it was also that they were supposedly portraying Africa as a wild savage land. Which may hold a little truth, but it still doesn’t make some of these people look silly for over reacting, you’d think they’d learn, huh? Well, they haven’t. Rearing it’s ugly head again is the Race Card, and it’s staring Left 4 Dead 2, right in the face. Willie Jefferson, of the Huston Chronicle’s Game Hacks Blog, seems to have issues with the game being set in New Orleans so close after Hurricane Katrina.

I am disturbed by the growing trend of racist undertones that are cropping up in video games.

One of the games that comes to mind is “Left 4 Dead 2.” …Set in New Orleans, players will have to fight their way through hordes of zombies – with several of them who appear to be African-Americans. When I saw the first trailer for the game, all I could think about was Hurricane Katrina and the aftermath…

We’re sure his allegations are not with out merit though! There must be no white zombies in this game, ’cause come on, that’s the only reason he could be mad about this right?

Zombie 1

Well that’s just one.

Zombie 3

Crap okay but that’s like… two!

Zombie 2

Oh… Well we’re sure that there are ONLY white people doing the killing, that makes it racist right?


…Uhuh… Well…. shit.

Obviously this guy has some issues seeing racism that is just fabricated for the sake of sounding politically correct, and the real insulting sort of racism.

Seriously. Be mad about THIS.

Seriously. Be mad about THIS.

Now Mr. Jefferson is indeed a black man and we have nothing against him for being so. However we do have a problem with stupid people. Here is what tipped us off. Referencing Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood.

I don’t have a problem blasting Nazis in “Call of Duty” and “Medal of Honor.” I don’t have a problem lighting up Imperial Army soldiers with my flamethrower in “World at War.” But I do have a problem blasting soldiers in our country’s Civil War.

Damn white Nazi’s!

Granted, Ubisoft is a French-owned company, but to this day, the Civil War is still a very, very touchy subject.

Yep, all of those Civil War Memorial rallies really get to us.

It’s OK to have a Western video game — with enemies of all shades. You don’t have to go back to the Civil War to give the character depth.

Okay, then don’t play the game.

As much as I enjoy video games, I do not like having to play a part of history that I would like to forget and avoid, but can’t.

Seriously, just take the game… and keep it away from your console.

Give gamers the option of choosing what sides they want to be on.

How… do you not understand this? Just go to Game Stop… look at Call of Juarez… then pick a game that isn’t it. Really, it just seems that you’re arguing for argument’s sake. The whole point of telling a good story is you get EVERY side of it. But we’re sure to you every Confederate soldier was a slave whipping, hoot and hollering evil bastard, why listen to what they have to say? They are after all… different.

Check out Mr. Jefferson’s full story for a good laugh here.

Nerd Squadron.

Nerd Squadron, an elite team of cynical mysoginistic social regects here to scour the far reaches of the net to bring you all the gaming news your tiny little meat brains can handle.

July 2018
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