Archive for the 'Idiocy' Category

15
Aug
09

Lets get crazy.

Ronin Dojo Community College DX concludes, and it was a good ride. ForTaxReasons really captured the spirit and maladjusted personalities of all the gamers and Otaku we put up with as nerds and geeks. If you haven’t watched all of their episodes and shorts, we recommend you take a look at them, they are great for a laugh, even though when you laugh at Mark and Barry, you’re really laughing at yourselves.

In some unrelated news, the Champions Online Open Beta begins in two days, so grab those open beta codes while you can. You can get them off FilePlanet or D2D, Gamestop no longer has any codes to give out. Open beta will run from the 17th to the 24th and the Headstart weekend starts the 28th.

06
Aug
09

Rev Rant Response: Games as Art.

Let us start off by saying we’re pretty big followers of Destructoid and we all hope that one day our little blog here gets to that sort of status among gamers, and while we agree with Anthony up there, we think he’s also incorrect about a few key things.

Hit the jump to see our opinion.

Continue reading ‘Rev Rant Response: Games as Art.’

24
Jul
09

80 Microsoft points and your dignity. No refunds.

Here we have a preview of the Avatar Market Place that will come with the Dashboard update. Now we’re all for the Xbox 360 Market place. It’s a great way to not only get some simple yet fun games, some old classics and even some videos, but this? This we will have no part in. Xbox is basically asking you to shell out money for nothing.

No... goddammit.

No... goddammit.

The full video explains that prices range from 40- 320 Microsoft points which is about .50 cents to three dollars in American currency (which is about 1 to three green rupees in Hylian.) How much is your shame guys? Maybe 320 points for that RC warthog that you can’t control, or 80 points for those goggles. Whatever the price, just know that you won’t get anything out of this transaction other than the right to say that you have a hat and some asshole doesn’t. YOU CAN DO THAT ON THE STREET! Just follow our handy guide

  1. Put on a hat. The more abnoxious the better.
  2. Walk around some populated area.
  3. Find a guy.
  4. IMPORTANT He must NOT be wearing a hat!
  5. Proceed to follow him around and mock him for not having a hat.
  6. Be sure to insinuate that his lack of a hat makes him a communist or a Frenchman.
  7. Finally, go home and continue your lonely existence, buying raw chicken breasts just to feel some sort of flesh against yours. (Not that we do that.)
Oh you dirty sluts....

Oh you dirty sluts....

The new 360 Dashboard update drops August 11th, along with the levels of dignity in gamers everywhere.

23
Jul
09

Star Wars Dance Off… Why?

Alright, if you sat through all twelve minutes of that and have any respect for the Star Wars franchise left that isn’t just fond memories then we would like you to know that grief counseling and cake will be provided at the end of this post. If you didn’t sit through all of it or just skipped right to our sexy words then let us give you the basic run down. What we have here is the Dancing With the Star Wars Stars Dance Off.

Redundant!

Redundant!

Something that happens during the Star Wars Weekends at the Disney Hollywood Studios. What it really is though, is just more shameless exploitation of a once loved franchise that has done nothing but spiral downwards into shame and prostitution. This display is almost insulting to the intelligence. They even bring out Ahsoka! Why?! Because everything you love will end up sucking and hate you! Why didn’t they just air the Star Wars Holiday special and then have some guy dressed as Jar Jar Binks come out during intermission and kick every audience member square in the crotch? As for us? We’re going to go pitch that idea to the Disney Hollywood Studios, and you? Well tell us, when did all of the pain start?

21
Jul
09

john freeman saver of humens

yes this is teh story off john freeman who savved teh humens because combines (who come frome science and outer space) make them sad and angry with growls.

Alright, we can’t keep that up for long, it hurts us too much. Utilizing the tools of Garry’s Mod these guys animated around this story by fan-fiction writer SquirrelKing. We have a question though. Is the guy who wrote these serious? We did our research and read all of his other works, which are very similar and we just can’t decide if this guy is a comical genius or actually some one with the english skills of a monkey with Downs Syndrome.

This is actually the first picture that showed up in Google Image for "Monkey with Down's Syndrome" make of that what you will.

This is actually the first picture that showed up in Google Image for "Monkey with Down's Syndrome" make of that what you will.

And all attempts to get a hold of SquirrelKing have come up short. Apparently an email full of swears and dirty drawings isn’t something people enjoy responding to (and that’s all we’re good at.) So read his work, have a laugh that turns into bitter weeping and then hang yourself to make the pain inside go away.

Thanks to Tyler for the tip.

16
Jul
09

Chris Redfield had the Same Problems.

Many of us gamers remember the scandal that backed the release of Resident Evil 5, with journalists and political individuals stating that the game was racist due to the fact that many of the zombies in the game were black. In Africa? No! Well alright, it was also that they were supposedly portraying Africa as a wild savage land. Which may hold a little truth, but it still doesn’t make some of these people look silly for over reacting, you’d think they’d learn, huh? Well, they haven’t. Rearing it’s ugly head again is the Race Card, and it’s staring Left 4 Dead 2, right in the face. Willie Jefferson, of the Huston Chronicle’s Game Hacks Blog, seems to have issues with the game being set in New Orleans so close after Hurricane Katrina.

I am disturbed by the growing trend of racist undertones that are cropping up in video games.

One of the games that comes to mind is “Left 4 Dead 2.” …Set in New Orleans, players will have to fight their way through hordes of zombies – with several of them who appear to be African-Americans. When I saw the first trailer for the game, all I could think about was Hurricane Katrina and the aftermath…

We’re sure his allegations are not with out merit though! There must be no white zombies in this game, ’cause come on, that’s the only reason he could be mad about this right?

Zombie 1

Well that’s just one.

Zombie 3

Crap okay but that’s like… two!

Zombie 2

Oh… Well we’re sure that there are ONLY white people doing the killing, that makes it racist right?

Oh...

…Uhuh… Well…. shit.

Obviously this guy has some issues seeing racism that is just fabricated for the sake of sounding politically correct, and the real insulting sort of racism.

Seriously. Be mad about THIS.

Seriously. Be mad about THIS.

Now Mr. Jefferson is indeed a black man and we have nothing against him for being so. However we do have a problem with stupid people. Here is what tipped us off. Referencing Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood.

I don’t have a problem blasting Nazis in “Call of Duty” and “Medal of Honor.” I don’t have a problem lighting up Imperial Army soldiers with my flamethrower in “World at War.” But I do have a problem blasting soldiers in our country’s Civil War.

Damn white Nazi’s!

Granted, Ubisoft is a French-owned company, but to this day, the Civil War is still a very, very touchy subject.

Yep, all of those Civil War Memorial rallies really get to us.

It’s OK to have a Western video game — with enemies of all shades. You don’t have to go back to the Civil War to give the character depth.

Okay, then don’t play the game.

As much as I enjoy video games, I do not like having to play a part of history that I would like to forget and avoid, but can’t.

Seriously, just take the game… and keep it away from your console.

Give gamers the option of choosing what sides they want to be on.

How… do you not understand this? Just go to Game Stop… look at Call of Juarez… then pick a game that isn’t it. Really, it just seems that you’re arguing for argument’s sake. The whole point of telling a good story is you get EVERY side of it. But we’re sure to you every Confederate soldier was a slave whipping, hoot and hollering evil bastard, why listen to what they have to say? They are after all… different.

Check out Mr. Jefferson’s full story for a good laugh here.

15
Jul
09

These Colors Don’t Run

Recently Dave Thomson of Denki Games, the minds behind Denki blocks and Quarrel, gave quite the speech titled “A Game is a Game is a Game” at the Brighton Developer Conference. His main point being that the term “Casual Game” deserved a ban from the gaming lexicon due to it’s insulting and ill defined nature. Now the Squadron didn’t witness the speech but we assume it looked something like this.

Casual Panthers stand tall! ... for an hour or so occasionally.

Casual Panthers stand tall! ... for an hour or so occasionally.

Thomson argued that the word “Casual” has certain implications that go with it, usually discounting a game as worthless or a quick cash in and the label isn’t always true. He cited one of the powerhouses of casual games, Popcap, stating that nobody would call these games worthless or quick cash ins. Well the Squadron is a bunch of nobodies and we’re stating just that. As a group of “Hardcore” gamers, our issues with the casual aspect of gaming is very simple. We feel that it’s cheapening the experience of gaming, not only making what we do look simple and childish, but also allowing the casual gamers to grant themselves the title of a gamer when we feel it isn’t really deserved. This may be seen as mindless elitism but without standards the industry begins to become cluttered and eventually crumble beneath itself.

Boom Blox... game... or prophecy?

Boom Blox... game... or prophecy?

Now we could easily blame the Wii here, but the true fact is that casual gaming has been around since before the Wii’s time, hell, Tetris is a casual game in all honesty and so was Mario Party when you think about it. However; it wasn’t until the Wii that casual gaming was really turned into a force to be reckoned with. Where collections of cheap, and trite minigames were favored over characters, stories and dialogue that made you think and feel. What huts even more is that Nintendo has become what they themselves made a promise to their fans that they wouldn’t. A gimmick. A virus. A plague. A plague that is spreading to the other consoles, infecting them with thoughts like “Casual gaming is a cash cow! Milk it for all it’s worth!” With the imminent release of the PS3 motion controls and Project Natal companies are beginning to bring more cheap attempts to monopolize on the family end of gaming. That seems a little unfair though, bringing a family together through gaming is one thing (even though most gamers use it as an escape) but when you’re bringing them together over “Go Play: Lumberjacks” there is an issue. Why not just play a board game, like Cranium, or that awful Twilight board game?

Seriously we want this to go away.

Seriously we want this to go away.

The fact of the matter is, there is nothing wrong with a well designed, and interesting casual game. Like Plants Vs. Zombies or Peggle, but they aren’t anything more than puzzlers. They’ll keep your attention but they won’t offer anything more than a quick thrill. You could just as easily buy a hooker and get the same effect. The problem comes in comparing games, wondering if you are getting the same experience. Do you get the same experience playing Bioshock as you do Peggle? Or the same feeling while playing Team Fortress 2 as you did Gemsweeper? No, and it’s not only the differences in game play, but the fact that the former games were designed to MEAN something, not to just be a distraction from doing work. What’s even worse is the market saturation of shovelware and tie-ins. Games made for Grandma and Grandpa. Casual gaming wouldn’t be such a derisive term if the games that came with it weren’t a high percentage of worthless crap that still sells like gangbusters.

No... we said Ghostbust-- Goddammit you guys are idiots.

No... we said gangbust-- Goddammit you guys are idiots.

Not only is our market being cluttered, our very way of not having a life is being threatened by a bandwagon crowd. People just hopping on because some one waggled a fancy new toy in their face. People calling themselves gamers because they have a copy of Wario Ware: Smooth Moves and Wii: play. Can’t anyone see what’s wrong with that? Some may say it’s just harmless, but it has detrimental effects on us as a whole. Gamers who have defeated Ganon… repeatedly, survived a headcrab infestation with nothing but a crowbar, and gamers who wept tears of joy when Aeris died because THE BITCH IS USELESS… sorry… breathe… okay, we’re good. It’s almost like calling yourself a pro football player because you own a ball and a jersey, you have the elements but you don’t have the years put into it.

So yes, the Squadron is bitter. We think Thomson is merely trying to defend his games from critics who might write them off as casual or unimpressive, but if they had the chops they could stand on their own, they Casual label wouldn’t effect it. We’re merely saying that casual games are fine, when the time and effort is put into them but when they are along with shovelware that leads casual gamers to call themselves hardcore? Well it’s insulting to ones intelligence.

[Gamasutra]




Nerd Squadron.

Nerd Squadron, an elite team of cynical mysoginistic social regects here to scour the far reaches of the net to bring you all the gaming news your tiny little meat brains can handle.

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