03
Aug
09

The inevitable.

Well, today is the day folks. Today, Nerd Squadron commits a group suicide. Why do you ask? Well some of us are doing it for attention, and a few because our crippling depression and alcohol abuse has left us bitter husks of men with nothing to live for, but most? We’re doing it because we found out about this.

http://www.twilightthevideogame.com/

That’s right. A Twilight videogame. It seems that every sight we try to get information from has a different rumor and we just can’t seem to get a straight up answer to all our questions. Is it an MMO? Is it a console game? Digital distribution? Will there be vampire sex? Why would a loving god allow this?

"Let there be Metrosexual Vampire Pornography!"

"Let there be PG Metrosexual Vampire Pornography!"

Read more after the jump.

So we’ve been hunting all gorram day to get some info about this blasphemy. And we actually got some straight up answers. You want to know how? WE ACTUALLY READ THE INFORMATION FROM THE WEBSITE. BrainJunk studios is actually creating a NON-COMMERCIAL Twilight game. Not an MMO as every other site would have you believe.

This game is being created for academic purposes, and as such is a non-commercial venture for everyone involved in the project. Once the game is well polished and of the highest quality all the materials related to the game will be surrendered to Summit Entertainment. It is their decision if they want to publish the game or not. Everyone on the development team understands that they are a non-paid volunteer, and this includes the game director as well. This project isn’t about money. This game is about the passions of everyone involved in the Twilight Saga.

Was that really that hard you guys? Reading a fucking paragraph? Oh, and the MMO rumors are addressed as well.

The information being reported that we are developing an MMO is incorrect. Any information that isn’t on the website should be regarded as a rumor.

Once again! TWO SENTENCES. Sentences that dispel all the rumors you hear! Learning is fun! Alright, lets get to the loathing. That’s what you came here for isn’t it? Well since the Squadron got wind of this project. Four of us are hanging over our computers, another three are trying to “Cleanse the world by fire” a few are just crying under their desks and me? The one typing this little update? I’ve got an ass ton of C4 and I plan to take the government by force in an attempt to stop this.

Pictured: One metric Ass Ton of C4

Pictured: One metric Ass Ton of C4

Let us be specific in our hate. Despite what we have against Twilight, its characters devoid of personality, its stories so shmaltzy and sugary we got diabetes from the first chapter, the shoddy veil of PG it puts over all the lust and sexual tension. What we hate most? Is what it does to industries.With a fanbase of screaming socially rejected fangirls there is no way that it can have a positive impact on anything it touches? It’s a media cancer. It destroyed the perceptions about decent literature of MILLIONS of teenage females, it had a similar effect on movies we’re sure and it will NOT be a forward step for gaming. Hell, along with Anne Rice, Stephanie Meyer has essentially destroyed vampires and werewolves. They used to be MONSTERS people, things to be feared. Feral beasts who sucked your blood and eviscerated you just for looking at them funny. They were not whiny, brooding metro-sexual heartthrobs. That sickens us… but we’ve accepted that there is nothing we can do… Other than burn and destroy, but that’s only a temporary stall. A band-aid for an axe wound. Twilight is a juggernaut of fangirlish lust.

"JACOB IS SO MUCH CUTER THAN EDWARD! I'LL FUCKING CUT YOU"

"JACOB IS SO MUCH CUTER THAN EDWARD! I'LL FUCKING CUT YOU"

So we sit back, and we suffer. We watch what we love be destroyed by hyperactive, chocoholic, lonely women… After all that misery we need something good to cheer us up.

Okay... that's pretty fucking cool.

Okay... that's pretty fucking cool.

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Nerd Squadron.

Nerd Squadron, an elite team of cynical mysoginistic social regects here to scour the far reaches of the net to bring you all the gaming news your tiny little meat brains can handle.

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